Musings On A Life That Never Was (HPFF)
by: Swanky

Rating: G
Summary: Written as part of the RPG Polychromatic on LiveJournal. Severus Snape is given a glimpse of how his life would be different had he been friends with The Marauders, and the memories of a life that was not his will not leave him.
Warnings: OOC-ness, one swear, stream-of-consciousness, Timeline? What timeline?
Diclaimer: The boys are not mine, they belong to JkR. I make no money off of this, and I promise that once I am done playing I will return them relatively unharmed...
Author’s Notes: There is certain info you should know about this RPG to understand the following musings: (1) Characters are transported to a new dimension called "The City", (2) The City has "curse days" which the characters cannot control or change, (3) The day before this was written, the curse was "What Might Have Been", in which Severus' mind was reworked to believe that he was only 16 and good friends with the Marauders and Lilly Evans. After the curse ended, Severus' mind returned to normal- normal being his state of mind directly after HBP- but the memories of the life he could have had did not leave him. This is what Severus' mind goes through with the addition of the new memories of a life that was never his to remember. No real spoilers, but it will help if you have read at least up to book 5.

~*~

Musings on a Life that Never Was

I can still remember. Everything. Memories of a life I never knew have been fighting through the memories I would much rather forget.

The Express that first year, being met with friendly faces and welcoming words. Remus Lupin coming to me after the sorting: It’s alright, Severus. We're still mates.

Facing down a pack of fifth year Slytherins Muggle lover... disgrace... your Grandfather would be ashamed... and to my utter surprise, JamesPotter, Lupin, and even Black, standing by me Leave him alone... come on, Sev, its time for lunch...

Letters I never received Pop says you can come to visit, too, Sev! Sirius and Remus will be here next week... can you make it? Letters I never sent in return My Grandfather would never allow it...

Tell him your studying potions with Slughorn...

Spells I created, spells that were so often used against me, were instead used to protect me Not to worry, Snape. I'll let him down when he learns some manners... Sirius, he's turning blue. Let him down now, I think he's learned his lesson... Awe, you're no fun, Remus!

Falling in love... Lilly Evans is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen... having my heart broken... I'm sorry, Severus. I already said I'd go with James... and having friends to put it back together for me... Oi, Snape! What about that bird? She's been eyeing you for weeks... Let it go, Black. I'm not going... Like hell you're not!

Having someone to stop me from making the most horrendous of mistakes in my youth Severus, I will not allow you to bind yourself to that madman just to please your Grandfather! Having another choice You'll stay with me over Winter Hols... Being able to see how very wrong I had been Severus, dear! We've heard so much about you... Thank you for letting me stay here, Mrs. Evans... Oh, psh, Lilly talks of you as if you're family. You are welcome hear whenever. Now, would you be a dear and get that dish down for me...

I can remember it all- as if it truly happened, as if that had been my life. But then, I look down and I see the scars of my past- the marring of my soul that will never wash away. It did not happen, it was not real. Just a trick of the City, meant to cause pain and anguish.

It is working.

~*~