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Unbreakable
by: Swanky

Rating: PG-13
Summary: A U.S. college student makes new friends and some enlightening discoveries about herself while way in London for a study abroad program.
Author’s Notes: This is the dream sequence setion of a much longer story I was working on quite awhile back. I have since given up on the longer story, but as this section seems rather self contained and complete I thought I would post it. I may write and post a few shorter stories either before or after the events of this one if I am inspired.

~*~

Unbreakable


I walked the cold corridor to the plane, a line of people in front of me, a line a people behind. Couples, off on a romantic honeymoon to Europe, Families going for an exciting vacation, all happy people, all excited to be here. And then there was me, I was just glad to be getting away, not having to be reminded everyday of what might have been, and what not having that felt like.

I found my seat, put on my head phones and curled up to go to sleep, but I never got the chance.

“Hi! How y’all doing? My name's Tracey. Looks like we’re in for a nice long flight together, id’nt that great?!” She was booming with energy. He crystal clear blue eyes sparkling, her curly red hair a mass of fire around her round face. “Are y’all one of the study abroad students too?”

“Ummm… yeah.”

“Oh what fun! What school you traveling with? I’m with Uconn.”

“Oh, me too.”

“Ooo Fun! That means we might be rooming together over in England! Wouldn’t that jest be a barrel of laughs!” She spoke with a southern accent, but the worlds scrambled out of her mouth, almost as if they were fighting to be first. I had visited the south quite often, my father lived down there, but I had never met a Southerner who talked as fast as a New Yorker.

“Where are you from?” I asked

“Oh I’m originally from Tampa, but I moved to Nashville when I was real young, spent some time out in LA, then returned to TN, and decided that one continent just wud’nt enough.” She spelled out the initials of the state, T-N, but she said it so fast and her drawl was so heavy, it sounded more like she said ten. The next six hours I spent listening to her tell me everything a person does not want to know about the back woods of Tennessee.

I learned almost everything about her, from where the unusual scar on her left ankle came from; her father miss took her leg for a log, to where her red hair came from; her mother’s father’s great-great-grandmother was Scottish, to who her first boyfriend was, Tommy Johnson in fifth grade, if you only count the “serious ones”. Our food came and went, as Tracey “edgemacated” me on the true southern cuisine. “Forget grits an’ fried chicken, honey! You need to try my mamma’s pecan pie an’ sweet tee! Made with love, Honey. It's the best way!” The Seat belt light went on, and the pilot announced our decent in to London as Tracey told me about the three bed room house in Nashville that she shared with her grand mother, Aunt, Uncle, and six cousins, on top of her parents and her own four siblings. “Now Cousin CJ, whooie! He’s a looker! You’d pro’ally take a liking to him, all the girls do.”

“Welcome to London ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy your stay.”

“Oh my gosh! We’re here already! I’m so excited!” We made our way off the plane and to the street, where a man in a bright blue parka and golfing trousers greeted us.

“`Ello, Loves. Welcome to London. My name’s Bright, I’ll be your trusty driver for the day! `Op on in the buggie and we’ll be on our way to orientation.” He didn’t sound like he was British at all. He dropped his H’s, but he speech pattern was too American. Must be for presentation then. They want to give us the feel of London right off the bat I see. We made our way through the streets of London, Tracey pointing out everything she’d never seen before. “Look a man wearing a dress!” she exclaimed as she pressed her face to the window, like a little girl. “Oh that’s not a dress love, `e’s a monk. You might `ave seen some if you’ve ever been to San Francisco.” I had been to San Francisco, I didn’t see any monks.

Orientation was long and boring. Tracey talked to everyone. I took down important information on my yellow note pad. We were to live in Student flats, fifteen minutes walking distance from our campus. There were six bed rooms, equipped for internet, a living area with a TV, a VCR, and a DVD player. Connected to the living area there was a kitchen; stove, oven microwave, pots and pans included. You had to buy your own food and dishes, but everything else was just waiting to be used. Our bags had been sent to our flats, we were to figure out who got which room ourselves. Tracey was in fact in my flat, and she decided that we would have to have the only two adjoining rooms. “We’re gonna be the best of friends I jest know it! It’s fate!”

They were nice rooms, solid wood floors, a pleasant light blue on the walls. The windows were large but the view was blocked by the buildings next door, the beds were in relatively good shape. I helped Tracey flip her mattress, and her mine. Her bags were filled with knickknacks and posters; every country star on the market was in her bag. She had CD’s enough to fill the entire CD rack in the living room, but she only put the ones she had doubles of out there. Her clothes were skimpy at best. Low rise jeans, shear tops, lacey underwear with matching bras. She had every kind of skin care imaginable, lotion, scrub, body wash, facial wipes, even anti-wrinkle cream.

I took my jeans and tee shirts out of my bags and put them into my dresser. Put my sheets on the bed, my pillows, and my stuffed Tigger. Set up my lap top and threw my orange shag rug on the floor. I unpacked my CD’s and my Beatles posters, sat on the bed and looked around. It’s not as good as home, but it will have to do. “Shopping time!” The door between my room and Tracey’s was flung wide open. I could see the fluffy pink blanket covering her bed. The pink heart shaped fur rug on her floor. Who in the world would want all that pink? I must be the antithesis of ‘girly’… Her walls were already plastered with posters, and she still had a stack of posters yet to be hung. “We need food! And our first piece of British clothing! Ooo! How shoes sound ta ya?”

“Everyone come out here please!” A strange voice came from the living room, loud and strong. “Come on! I know you’re tired, and I promise, the day is almost over! Just a couple last announcements, then dinner and bed!” We all stumbled into the living room. Some people were already in their PJs, looking like they were rudely awakened out of a sound sleep. “Hello everyone. My name is Collin, and I will be your Super. This means that if you have any problems with the flat, or with each other you can come to me. My flat is located on the first floor, door closest to the door out.” Collin was tall and dark. He couldn’t have been much over 25. His bright blue eyes twinkled with mischief, but his voice was steady and stern. Of the three girls in the room, I was the only one that wasn’t obviously attracted to him.

“Now, you will notice that the cabinets are labeled in the kitchen. You can feel free to use this space, if you do not want to use this space you can give it up to the rest of your house mates, but I suggest that you wait on that for a couple of weeks.” He looked us over, and when his glance stopped on Tracey she looked as though you could push her over with a feather. His expression changed just slightly when he glanced at me. He looked shocked for a moment, like he saw something unexpected, but not unpleasant. What was that about? Did I look defiant? I certainly did not look infatuated like the rest. Perhaps that’s what it was…

“Please understand,” He continued in his steady voice. “That we are not responsible for anything that may be lost, stolen or broken. I will provide everyone with a key to there rooms when I come in to check them. Tonight we will provide you with dinner. Tomorrow we will provide you with breakfast and lunch, after which we will be showing you to the supermarket.” He looked back at me, his eyes darker the twinkle that was there when he first started talking was gone and there was something else there now, something more like challenge. I didn’t like it at all.



I woke up stiff and groggy. An unusual, pungent smell hung in the air. Where am I? My head cleared and I found myself in an unfamiliar place. The door. What’s on the other side of the door? I heard her before I saw her. Her strong voice muffled by the shower. “It’s raining men! Halleluiah! It’s raining men...!” The confusion disappeared as I remembered where I was and what I was doing here. The room became familiar, the poster hanging on the wall, the blankets on the bed, but the strange smell was still there. Slowly, I could here other people stirring in the apartment. The sweet smell of bread seeped in from under my door, swirling around the room, dancing with the pungent smell of London. How do you get used to that smell? Like wet dog all the time…! Mmm… what is that smell. It’s so familiar, but different some how… I slowly climbed out of bed, threw on my robe and made my way for the kitchen.

I opened the door and light filled the room, squinting I stumbled into the living area. “What’s going on?” Was that my voice? So tired, so quiet… so strained. My throat felt tight, it was hard to swallow, hard to speak.

“Well, you finally decided to join us, little miss sleepy head.” I looked up to see the dark man from last night. My memory faded in and out as I struggled to think of who he was. Collin--- the Super--- that look--- I don’t like it at all. Spurts of information came back to me as I stared at him. “Long night? You look like you didn’t sleep a wink.”

“Yeah.” I replied, my voice still strained. What is going on? Get control of yourself girl! Why is my voice--- curly hair--- gentle hands--- My dreams began to resurface, the feelings more than the visuals. “Just some bad dreams is all.” Now why did I say that?

“I’m sure it’s just the strange surroundings, happens a lot.” Collin’s voice seemed to soften just a bit, though not for long. “Now that we are all up,” the stern tone returning to his voice as if it never faltered. “look over these papers. This is what we will be doing today. After breakfast, we will make our way to the campus, where I will show you all the main buildings and their main offices. Then we will catch lunch at the cafe. After lunch, I will take you to the closest grocery, where you will be able to get what food you wish. Please remember to get some kind of flatware and dishes. I don’t have enough to share.” I looked around the group of us, a couple people trying to force out a nervous laugh. For the first time I got a good look at the rest of the group. We were quite diverse indeed.

We were split right down the middle, three girls and three guys. Tracey and I were the only caucations in the room. There was a girl who was obviously asian of some sort, a Hispanic guy, a Middle Eastern guy, and a black guy. I realized that I hadn’t learned any of their names yet. I was so tired the night before, I just needed to get some rest. ‘I’m sorry’--- crying--- ‘You’d be the best mom…’---

“So I’m assuming that most of you haven’t the slightest Idea who you’re living with” Collin unknowingly interrupted my memories again. “So lets get something to eat and we can all meet and greet!” The twinkle had returned to his eye. What is it about me that upsets him? Why does that twinkle disappear when he looks at me? “The you can get dressed and we’ll be on our way. Come on! We ain’t got all day here, aren’t you guys hungry?”

“Too hungry to move fast,” Came a sarcastic reply from the tall black boy.

“Ah-ha! Now see that’s more like it! Loosen up a bit guys, we’ll be together a while.” “Hey, what’s wrong?”--- crying--- why--- not since that day--- “Honey…”--- ‘you’d be the best mom’--- “Julia!”

“Wha…” I looked up. Everyone had left the room, everyone but Collin. He looked worried, his brow slightly scrunched.

“Are you ok?”

“Oh… yeah I’m fine. Just not quite awake yet that’s all…” I dropped my eyes. I couldn’t look at him, staring so intently at me. Trying to figure me out… Don’t do that… don’t… I don’t want to be figured…

“Are you sure… well, then why don’t you go get dressed.” I turned and went to my room. I could feel his stare burning into my back. Don’t do that… looking past my defences… looking at me…

I wrote everything down. Directions to the campus, each building, each office, each secretaries name… Directions to the grocery, the train, the apartment… My house-mate’s names, descriptions, rooms…
Danny Freedman: Tall, African American, Jackisonville, Florida, Likes oranges, no peaches. Second Door on right, big Tupoc Poster on wall.
Mario Gonzales: Dark Hair, Puerto Rico green eyes- odd for a Puerto Rican? Little gotee, Listens to classic rock, has same beatles poster on wall, Third room from left, just left of mine.
Lynn Heng: Short, slight, Black hair, dark eyes. California, First person to go to college in family, Pre-med. First Door on the right.
Vijay Chandra: Dark curly hair, golden tan skin, deep eyes, Indian, raised in Chicago. Goes to Yale. Loves the X-men. Third door on right, closest to TV.
Tracey Barber: red hair, blue eyes, TN. And everything else I learned on the plane, First Room on the left, closest to the Kitchen.

I kept close track of my money in the grocery store. Maybe I don’t need peanut butter… but it’s peanut butter for goodness sakes! I marked the price of the staples, paper plates, napkins, ‘Now remember, you’re still on a budget, no matter how much you want to buy everything in sight…’--- Yes, Ma, I know… I put back the napkins and bought a towel instead, ‘Better to by something once and keep it then buy it three times and keep having to throw it away…’ I bought a plastic, dishwasher safe place setting, rather than paper plates and disposable flatware.

“Julia! What are you doing!” Tracey came thundering over to me. Her face red and her hands flailing. “You’re gonna starve! Bread, pasta, butter, peanut butter! Not only will you starve, you’re gonna gain a million pounds! We need to find the salads… what would you do with out me, huh?”

“Tracey, salad is to expensive and too impraticle. I can’t get it..”

“What, you’d rather gain a million pounds eating all those carbs then eat healthy food and spend a little more! And how is it ‘impraticle’ anyways?”

“It always goes bad before I can eat it all. And at these prices it just isn’t worth it. Besides, this trip I’m stocking up on staples so that if I’m short one week I have things left to eat. I’m not really buying much, just checking prices. I need to compare stores before I go getting a whole bunch of food!”

“Honey, you spend too much time thinking about money. Heck ya’ll spend to much time thinking period! Live a little, would’ja!” I will, later, when I know I’m not going to completely run out of food come Wendsday! I stood there, my arms crossed, staring her down. “Fine! Have it your own way! But don’t come crying to me when you can’t move from malnutrition!” She shook her finger at me… Just like my mother…

“Ladies,” Collin poked his head around the isle. “We need to get going. You can argue over which peas to get another time.”

“We’re right behind you Collin.” Tracey sighed as he turned away. “Isn’t he just dreamy…?”

“I guess, if you like that kind of guy.” Not that Collin wasn’t good looking, he was very good looking indeed.

“Oh but those muscles, that chin… have you seen his chin, it’s got that little dimple in it. Not too much, just enough… And he’s British! Isn’t that why we’re here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Ya know, to get a hunky British boyfriend.” To get a boyfriend…

Orientation lasted two weeks. It was infernally boring, except for the ‘field lessons’ we took. We learned how to get around the city, how to take the train, and how to get out of the city. We went to a few choice spots in the city, and a couple of educational spots around the Island. The last weekend before classes started, they decided to show us how to get off the Island by putting us on a train over night, and making us hike up a really big hill all day. I must admit it was quiet beautiful, but did I mention it was huge. I realized that I needed to get in better shape, or I might have a heart attack trying to carry my groceries up the stairs next week.

“Hey Trace.”

“Yeah Jules, what’s up?” She glanced at me over the back of her seat. Tracey had taken a liking to Mitchell. He’s a really nice guy… I feel bad for him, with Tracey’s father and all… Tracey’s father was not the most accepting of persons of other races or cultures. But he’s not here right now, is he!

“Wanna hit the gym this weekend?”

“Oh my god! Is this Jules trying to get healthy?! I’m shocked!” She smacked the back of her hand to her forehead and fell into Mitchell’s arms.

“What’s up Julia, trying to catch a guy?” Mitchell asked, his eyebrows wiggeling, as he helped Tracey back up. “Thinking that Brittish guys might not be that bad… hmmm, now who’s near by, and british…”

“Mitch! SHUSH!” Tracey jumped up and just about hit her head on the baggage compartments above her seat.

“What…? Was I not supposed to say anything?” Mitchell looked around confused. Tracey had gotten it in her head that Collin and I should hook up. ‘You’re so mature! So what if he’s like 27. It’s perfect. Think about it… he smells really good… Just think about it.’ …

“Was I not sapposed to know about that…?” Mitch was still looking around trying to figure out what he just did wrong.

“Don’t worry about it Mitch, It’s just Trace playing match-maker.” I turned and looked at her through her compact mirror, as she tried to fix the ‘damage’ the baggage compartments had done to her hair. “Unsolicitated match-making might I add!”

“Some people just don’t know what’s good for them!” She smirked back at me. “That’s why I’m here. I’m taking care of ya’ll!”

“Yeah, right! Well I’m starved, I’m going to head for the dining car.”

“Don’t eat too much!” Tracey called after me as I left the car. “It’ll just mean I have to work you that much harder this weekend!”



I slid the door closed behind me, and turned into the dinning car. It was rather late and had been a long day, so I was surprised to see Collin sitting at the bar. I walked over and took a seat at an empty table, trying to hide behind my menu.

“Julia?” He saw me. Shit! Why can’t he--- just don’t let him look--- keep it together girl!

“Oh! Hi, Collin. Bit of a night owl are we?” Did he hear anything in my voice... that look of challenge… or something like challenge.

“Yeah, could say the same about you. I’m used to the hike, you guys aren’t. You should be out cold. Is this seat taken?”

“Uh, No. Go right ahead.”

“Thanks.” She sat down across from me in the booth. I had never been alone with Collin before. I had been avoiding it. Just don’t look at me… He looked at me, his eyes turning from a light hazel to a coffee brown. I couldn’t hold his gaze, I looked down at the table, fiddled with the lace on the table clothe. “Why do you always look away when I look at you?”

Because you look at Me… through me… “I don’t always look away.” I picked my head up and looked at him, but I was unable to look at him for long, and dropped my eyes again.

“How do you expect me to get to know you if you won’t look at me?”

“Why do I have to look at you? We can have a perfectly good conversation with out having to constintally look at each other. People do it all the time. We’re doing it now.” I was grasping at straws. Don’t look--- figuring--- unbreakable---

“I can’t figure you out…” He was looking at me again. That burning look, I didn’t want anyone to try to figure me out. Unbreakable---

“I don’t want to be figured out…” I whispered. Alone---

“What can I get you?” The waiter. Thank God! I could have kissed the man just because he was there, interrupting, giving me a refuge from Collin.

“Oh! Well, I hadn’t really looked yet. No, no, no! Don’t go away! I mean… I’ll just be a second…” I looked at the menu, trying to hold him there as long as possible.

“I’ll just come back when your ready miss. There’s no one else in the car at the moment.”

“No! I mean… I… I’ll just have a muffin and a cup of tea please.” I looked up at his mousey face. Thin and tall, balding, cold.

“Make that two of each please.”

“Very well, sir.” No! Don’t go--- unbreakable--- alone--- wait!-- He turned and walked back to the bar. My refuge was gone, and he was looking at me again.

“Why… what did I… why not?” I glanced at him, caught his eye. He was looking at me so intently, it was almost physically painful. “You know, I’ve gotten to know everyone but you. The students in the other apartments even. You’re the only one who won’t let me make a connection.” I kept my eyes down, intently studying the menu on the table. He paused for a long moment.

“Here you are, sir, miss. Enjoy.” The waiter was back with the tea.

“On second thought,” I put my hand on his arm as he turned away.

“Yes, Miss.” He turned back, obviously annoyed.

“I’ve changed my mind. You can take this back. How much do I owe you?”

“Four pounds for everything Miss.”

“Great, thanks.” I said digging for my money out of my pocket.

“I’ve got it Julia.” Collin said, his voice deep and stern again.

“No, that’s alright.” I fumbled with my money purse.”

“Really, it’s no trouble. I’ll get it.” Collin insisted. The waiter sucked on his crooked teeth, arms crossed, foot tapping.

“No, really,” I grabbed four notes out of my money purse and flung them at the waiter. “Here. Thank you so much really,” I studdered as I hurried out of the car. I ran through the car back to the private ‘room’ I was sharing with Tracey and Mitch. Closed the door behind me, and pressed my back to it to catch my breath. Mitch and Tracey were already asleep, sitting up against each other on one couch. I dropped myself on to the other, pulled my legs up to my chest, and silently cried myself to sleep.



“Look Julia, aren’t you beautiful?” A faceless voice called somewhere from above me. I gazed into the mirror in front of me... I’m twelve years old again… Pink dress, white patent leather Mary-Jane’s, Pink ribbon holding back my long brown hair. “What have you done!” the glass begins to ripple, like silver water disturbed by a skipping stone. I didn’t do anything. What’s going on? I can’t speak, I can’t move. The glass begins to clear again. I’m sixteen again. Black super wide leg pants with zippers and chains, almost looks like a skirt. Black tee-shirt over black fishnet, My hair chopped off… jagged… uneven… dyed so many different colors… red… green… blue… purple… And my wrists… I look down at them… they are bleeding… holes straight through... they hurt so much… What… What’s going on?! I am floating… there is only me and the strange mirror floating in a fog… a mist… I reach out, touch my hand to the silvery surface, it ripples again… and again… the ripples are getting bigger… It’s going to break! No.

I’m floating in the mirror, the silvery waves crashing over my head. Help me. Someone! Anyone! Please! I am alone. No one will come, no one knows I’m here. But the waves… they are still glass. Cutting me… my face… my body… The waves are higher now… It’s going to break! It has to break! I’ll die if it doesn’t break! But it doesn’t break. I am drowning… the glass sliding down my throat, cutting through my lungs… pain… nothing but pain… Someone! Please! It has to break! I’m not Unbreakable! I make one last cry for help.

Suddenly I’m not alone… I feel it… the mirror breaks… I’m floating in a cloud again… I look down… the cuts are gone… my wrists are whole again… I am naked… and He is there…



“AAAAAHHHH!!!!!” I woke up screaming, sitting straight up on the couch in the little room. Mitch was shaking me, his eyes wide with fear. “Julia! Julia! It’s just a bad dream” I couldn’t stop screaming. Mitch was trying everything, shaking me, yelling at me, nothing was working. I just couldn’t stop screaming. Drowning--- Pain--- Nothing but pain---
“Jul---” Where--- what--- who---. I didn’t know who it was, but someone had their arms around me, leading me through the train. I had managed to stop screaming, but I was crying uncontrollably still. I buried my face in the person’s chest, I still had no idea who it was. We made it off the train, I was gasping for air, my lungs still aching from the strain of screaming, tears still burning my cheeks. I still couldn’t see. The person lead me over to a bench, I could see people running toward us, coming out of the train. Tracey, Mitch, Collin. If they are all over there, then who is here with me?

“Ok give her some air.” I could here Collin pushing through the crowd of people around us. “Come on, back up! Let me through, give her some air already!” He came pushing through the crowd, followed by teachers and tour guides, who immediately began to push people back. “Julia, are you ok? What on earth happened?!” I couldn’t speak, I wouldn’t have know what to say if I could. What did happen?

“She had a terrible dream that’s all.” His voice was soft and deep. He was calm and under control, the only person who was. I looked up at him, my vision was still blurry from crying, but I could make out what he looked like some what. He was tall and broad, with short dark blond hair, and kind eyes. Dark blue eyes, the color of a clear sky, just after dusk in midsummer.

“And, who exactly are you?” Collin asked, his voice strangely strained. I found myself getting angry at him. Why are you taking that tone with him! He helped me--- I was drowning--- the pain--- Breathing began to become difficult again. The memory of that pain was beginning to overwhelm me again, It’s getting harder--- harder to breath---
“Ok. Everyone just calm down now.” My vision started to blur, the tears welling up, burning… Is there anyone out there--- where--- it’s getting harder--- wait come back!--- I was losing it again, but his voice reached me, I found my way back to him. “Ok. Calm down Julia. Come on look at me. There we go.” I opened my eyes, and there he was, and no one else, just him. I looked right at him, and he looked at me. “Ah. There we are. You ok now?” I shook my head- ‘yes’. “Good. Can you speak? I’d love to hear what a beautiful girl like you sounds like.” I was glad that my face was already red, my pulse already racing, and my breathing already labored.

“I can speak,” I whispered, my voice raspy and dry. I was embarrassed by my voice, it sounded too rough, too harsh.

“Well,” He wrapped his sweater sleeve around his hand and gently wiped the tears from my face. “That is much more fitting. You’ve got one hell of a set of pipes on you. I prefer your lovely voice at the lower decibels.”

“Sorry…” I said, hanging my head, tears welling up again. He’s going to hate me… me and my big mouth… my loud scream… my crying…

“Oh, no, not at all! At least I know that no matter where I am in the City, if you are in trouble I will know about it.” I managed a little nervous giggle at his joke. I suddenly knew how Tracey must have felt that first morning with Collin. Tracey!

“Where…”

“Your friends are over there. I figured you needed some air. But you should probably get back over there, before your boyfriend has a heart attack. Can you walk?”

“I think so… wait. What boyfriend, I don’t have a boyfriend!” I looked at him, almost afraid that I was wrong, and that I did have a boyfriend, some one who was not him.

“The big guy over there,” He said, pointing to the group. Right there in front was Collin, his head down, elbows on his knees.

“Collin? Oh god no! He’s my super! Not my boyfriend!” I almost felt bad for the way I said it; a laugh in my voice, a look of shock and something like horror on my face… He does look pretty worried.

“Oh, well good! I mean… um.” His ears and neck turned red, he was even cute embarrassed. “You should get back…”

“Do you have a name? Or should I just call you super man?”

“Oh! Yeah! Daniel Hawthorn, nice to meet you.” He stuck out his hand.

“Julia Thompson, the pleasure is mine Daniel.” I took his hand, looked him right in the eye, and froze. I wonder what he would do… No! He let go of my hand first. “How did you come to help me anyway?”

“I was in the booth next to you. I herd you friend running down the hall, and then I heard you scream. I just went to see what I could do.”

“Oh, well that was nice of you. Not many people would go through that much trouble for a complete stranger.”

“Actually, I thought your friend there, was hurting you some how.”

“Really? Mitch? He has a hard time killing bugs, he doesn’t even like football `cause it’s too rough.” For the first time I looked over at Mitchell, seeing him as he appeared, rather than as he was. I felt bad for him. He was a big guy, tall, broad… and he was black. I had never looked at Mitchell as anything but a student, a room mate, a friend. He looked powerful, I could see how someone may be frightened by him. I looked down, ashamed of the what if’s that were running through my head. What if he wasn’t a friend- wasn’t trying to help- was how he looked…

“Well, most girls don’t scream bloody murder for no reason.” I looked over at Mitch again, and saw that Tracey was fawning over him, holding a bag of ice to his eye. “I kind of popped him one…”

“Oh, no! Poor Mitch! I don’t really remember what happened… his eye looks bad”

“Yeah, I didn’t stop to check, but he hit the floor, I know that. I felt like such an ass when I realized he was trying to help you too.” He gave a little laugh. “I just grabbed you and pulled you off the train. You kept crying for air, so I thought he was choking you. After that, everyone came out, your friend chasing me. She thought I was stealing you or something… Hey that’s not a bad idea.”

“Hey, hey now! I haven’t much strength yet, but I could still put up a good fight. Not to mention all those people over there… I should get back.” I didn’t want to, but I knew I had to. I looked over again. Tracey and Mitch were looking over on and off, trying not to stare it seemed. Collin didn’t seem to care about appearances, he was glaring at us. “Can you walk me over? I’m still a little dizzy…”

“Oh, Yeah! No problem!” He got up and offered me his hand. I took it and he helped me up very slowly. I really was dizzy, more than I thought. I had to grab on to him arm to keep from falling. He put him arm around my back for support. I looked up, Collin was storming our way.

“I think Collins mad at me…” I started to say, but Daniel stopped me short.

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s me he’s mad at. Well I geuss this is good bye then.” Daniel said, taking his hand from around my back, getting ready to hand me over to Collin.

“Wait, how can I ever thank you?” I asked just as Collin reached us.

“Julia, are you ok?” His voice deeper then normal, darker, more intimidating. He was looking at Daniel, not at me.

“Yes Collin, I’m feeling much better, thank you.” He was still holding me he was near my ear, but the mass of people coming over now was confusing me.

“You can thank me… in the book… good bye Julia” He whispered in my ear. “Sorry about the confusion again, I really didn’t mean to hit you, or I wouldn’t have if I knew you were helping, not hurting…”

“Jules! How ya feelin’, Honey?” Tracey bounced over to me. I was surprised to see that she looked genuinely concerned. We’re gonna be the best of friends, I jest know it… “Come on over here. Have a seat…”

“Wait Daniel, what did you say?” I couldn’t raise my voice loud enough to be heard over the crowd.

“I understand, but try to keep that right hook under control. It’s a killer.” Even after being punched by him, Mitch has still got a smart remark to lighten anyone’s spirits.

“I bet you could use something to eat…”

“Where’s Daniel? I have to ask him a question…” My voice cracked as I strained to be heard over the camotion around me.

“Well, best of luck.”

“Here, Honey. Let’s get you a drink. You must be starved! Wha’cha say? I can’t hear you. What did you say you wanted to drink…?”

“Thank you for your help.” Collin said, cold and dark, and started walking us all away. I never got to here Daniel’s response. When I looked behind me where he had been, all I could see was his back fading into the distance.

“I think I’ll have a scotch.” I mumbled, for lack of anything better to say.

“All-righty! That’s ma girl! Scotch it is then!”



I was very quiet all through dinner. My mind wandered, and my food got cold waiting for me to eat it. I had three glasses of Scotch, drank them down like shots, one… two… three. I didn’t say a word on the walk home either. The sounds, the smells, the sights… The world looked like it was framed in my glasses, like a movie. This isn’t my life at all… it’s a very strange movie.

We made it back to the flat in what seemed like record time. I didn’t want to go in yet. Everything looked so… so new. I noticed shops, and signs, and people, that the rest of the group was already becoming accustomed to, but it was all new to me.

“I think I’m going to take a walk before bed. I’ll be back later.”

“You want some one to go with you?” Collin asked. He wasn’t looking at me… he was looking down. I wonder if his gaze is burning the pavement…

“No. I’m fine, really. I just need some air is all.” Collin stepped aside from the group and signaled for me to follow as they headed up stairs. “Yes?” I asked, my voice completely restored for the first time since I arrived in London. He looked up, confused. He caught my eye, but I didn’t look away, I stared back. He dropped his gaze. The poor pavement…

“I would really apprieciate it if you took someone with you. It’s late, and it’s always better to travel in pairs.”

“I would really rather not, Collin. I have my cell, and my pepper spray.”

“I would still…”

“I will even stay on this street so I don’t get lost. I know the percausions to take when in the city. I grew up in one.” I looked at him, his head down, his eyes glued to the pavement. I was not going to waver on this subject. I wanted to be alone, which is very difficult in a city, I wasn’t going to bring along unwanted company.

“Try not to stay out too late, remember, you have class tomorrow.” He turned and entered the house without looking at me again. As I watched the door close behind him, I wondered if the pavement was melted… This is a movie after all, anything is possible… I turned without looking down. If this was a dream or a movie, I didn’t want to know. The events of the day had been too odd to be real, but I wanted it to be. That dream… My skin crawled at the memory of it. The pain… him… My skin rippled. Goosebumps covered my arms, the back of my neck… A cool breeze swept down the street, cooling my now fevered skin.

I walked in a straight line, through my thoughts. Will I ever see him again… What did he say… ‘Collin? He’s my super, not my boyfriend’… ‘Oh, well good!’… Collin… figuring… deeper, darker, more intimidating… the pavement… not looking at me… Daniel… ‘in the book’… I looked around at the area as I walked. Never looking at anyone or anything in particular, but for the first time really seeing these things. The grocery store, still buzzing with life… the park, soft and dreamy, couples watching the sunset, people walking their dogs, running… the campus… The campus… What will my teachers be like… the other students… Will Daniel be one of the students… I entered the park and found a couple watching… watching something. I couldn’t see what. As the sun set, and true darkness descended, the couple moved on. I walked up to where they had been. There, right in front of me, was a small pond, shining in the silver moon light, the stars reflected in the glassy surface. Glass… silver ripples…

“Pardon, but you may want to get in out of the rain, Miss. Might get rather heavy rather quickly.” My thoughts were interrupted by a little old lady under a large umbrella. I didn’t know how long I had been standing there, my legs were stiff, my vision slightly blurred, and strangely, my hair was wet…

“Excuse me?”

“The rain, Miss, might pick up rather quickly. You should start home.”

“Oh, thank you. I think you may be right.”

“Have a nice night, miss.”

“You too.” The rain trickled down as I started for the flat. By the time I walked in the door I was soaked. I began to take off my wet things in the hallway, my shoes, my jacket, my hat. A shaft of light flickered down the hall. I looked around, every light was out, everyone but Collin’s. I stared at the crack between the floor and Collin’s door. Is he waiting up for me? Why would he? Why should he care when I get back… Collin’s light went out, shocking me back into reality. I took one more look down the hall, and entered our flat.

Everyone was asleep. It has been a long day, getting to bed early sounds good… I looked at the clock; 12:10. So much for getting to bed early. At least my first class isn’t until ten. I quietly hung my wet things over the shower bar and went to my room. The door between mine and Tracey’s rooms was open. I peeked in, she was asleep, but in her chair, not her bed.

“Tracey. Tracey, hon, wake up, you have to get in bed.” I gently shook her arm as I whispered. She slowly lifted her head and opened her eyes for just a second. “Come on, let’s get you under the covers…” I helped her to her bed and tucked her in. “Sleep well, Trace. Sweet dreams.” I turned and went in to my room. I was beginning to think that coming to London may not have been the best thing I could have done.

Silently I laid on my bed, staring up at the shadows cast across the ceiling and thinking. My mind just would not shut up and let me get to sleep. Coming to London was not proving to be the break from reality I was looking for. I came here thinking that I would be able to find something, anything that was not my life at home, to think about. But it seemed that no matter where I went my past was going to follow me.

I sat there thinking about just getting up and going. I had done it once before. Classes hadn’t started yet, I could go farther east and catch the beging of the school year there. I could go; run and hope my mind stayed here for a while longer. I would break under all this pressure, I knew it. There was too much to deal with, too much to think about, too much to dream. All I could think about, lying there alone in the darkened, still unfamilliar room, was that I couldn’t let it all break me.

I sat up bolt straight in the bed. Suddenly I knew what I had to do. I had an epiphany. My life was not a strange movie. I could not let my past run me out of my future. No, I could not break. But I could bend.

~*~
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